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I know, I know. I have another fic that I haven’t updated in like forever and here I am starting another one. Sorry! But I will update that one soon. It’s just taking me so damn long! But I have a kazillion other ideas swimming around in my head and it’s bugging me. So I decided to just put a few down. And so here I am posting a new fic. Besides, there can’t be too many Beka/Rhade pairing fics out there, now can there? So hopefully people enjoy this fic, and I’ll update the other one when I get the chance (hopefully soon. I just have a lot going own right now in my life and my friends’ lives. Sorry, but the real world must come first, at least that’s what my shrink said, and the last time I went against him it meant no more fanfic for months! And I’m ugly on withdrawl!).

This is only my second fic, and I’ve never written anything romance wise before. I love reading other romance fics, but most make me blush! So mine might not be that great or vivid. I’ll try to make them better with more practice.

Beka/Rhade. (Plus, other crew is paired up as well.) If you don’t like this pairing, then don’t read it.

Disclaimer: don’t own the show, characters, or any rights to anything Andromeda related. Merely an obsessive fan who sometimes takes the show a little too seriously. Wish I owned Beka and Rhade though! Or at least Rhade! ;)

 

Chapter 1

What the hell did I do last night?

* * * * * * (beka’s pov) * * * * *

Beka woke up in bed lying on her right side feeling sore with a hangover. Last night the entire crew, new and old, had a party to celebrate Dylan’s birthday and to welcome Rhade to the crew. Okay, so Rhade had already been there for weeks, but better late then never right?

“Mmmmmm”, Beka stretched and felt an arm around her waist, and another was under her neck. A man’s body was pressed against her back, and if she was correct, he was naked. And it was then that she realized that she was not in her room, and had no clothes on either. She looked around trying to figure where the hell she was and what the hell-or rather who-she had done during the night. The room was colored in blacks and reds. Black walls, plants around the room, shelves of books and weapons, and red silk sheets and pillows. All in all, the room seemed nice. Except she had no idea who the hell it belonged to!

* * * * * * * * * * * (harper’s pov) * * * * * *

Harper woke up with a killer hangover on the floor of his room. He sat up and ordered Andromeda to lower the light level in his quarters, and that was when he noticed clothes scattered around his room and his shower was running in the bathroom. He looked around, grabbed a sheet from the bed, pulled it around himself, and walked over to a pile of clothes. He picked up the women’s garments and suddenly realized who they belonged to as the prior night’s memories came rushing back to him. He smirked to himself as he walked toward the bathroom to join his new lover in the shower as he thought “bout damn time”.

* * * * * * * * * (rommie’s pov) * * * *

Rommie woke up feeling disoriented and content. She sat up and looked down at the unclothed man next to her as she smiled and thought of the previous nights events. She stood up and watched him sleep for a moment. After that moment had passed she began to worry. Avatars, after all, were not supposed to become romantically involved with their crew. But then again, not like they were a normal crew. She would just wait until later to worry about, for now, she would just relax and enjoy the feeling. Now she just had to decide to either take a shower in her lover’s bathroom or make him something to eat. No doubt he would like to join her in the water, but then again, he was bound to be hungry after the night they had. She smiled and walked out of the bedroom.

* * * * * * * * * * * * (dylan’s pov) * * * * *

Dylan woke up with a feeling of pure happiness. He had been eyeing this woman for a while, but had never been able to catch her. Until now. He just hoped that the joy would last even after she woke up. Now that would be the problem. He would have to rearrange some shifts and such in order for them to be able to spend as much time together as possible.

‘God she’s beautiful in the morning’ Dylan then leaned down and kissed her neck before holding her again. Only to wake and tighten his grip when he felt her wake. But even then he quickly drifted off to sleep again

* * * * * * * * * * * (rhade’s pov) * * * * *

Rhade woke up to the glorious feeling of a gorgeous woman in his arms. A woman he’d been watching now for quite some time, and it seemed she’d been watching him too if last night was any testament. He smiled widely at the memory of last night. A memory that was of the entire night. When he woke there was a slight second when he was afraid that it was just a dream, like many others that he had had recently. He was glad that this did not have to end in a cold shower. He had way too many of those lately. But it looked like not any more.

He felt her stir and tightened his arms around her. When she looked at him he quickly grabbed her lips with his in a kiss. His mouth felt seared and he immediately remembered last night and the way that she had cried his name.

Telechamus

She said it with such passion. He liked the way she said it, and didn’t think he ever wanted it uttered out of anyone’s mouth but her own tempting lips ever again.

It was then that a heat that only she could cause blared up in him and he rolled himself on top of her to see if he could make her scream his name again.

* * * * * * * * * * (new character pov) * * * *

She woke up with a splitting headache and the desire to never get drunk again. Of course, she probably would next weekend, but oh well. She then noticed a man’s arms around her. And had to keep from screaming, “oh shit!” when she saw who it was. she slyly slipped out of his arms and quickly, but quietly, got dressed. She then slipped out of the room and toward mess hall.

“God, I need coffee”

“And a new pair of clothes it seems. Always sleep with people after a party, or was this guy just extra lucky, special, easy, or drunk? Well, sweetie, which is it?”


Chapter 2

Confusion


Rhade woke up for the second time that day and stared at the woman lying in his arms. He couldn’t believe that he and Beka Valentine had ‘got it on’. He leaned down and kissed her forehead before unwrapping their bodies from each other. Getting out of bed and wrapping a sheet around his waist and pulling a blanket over Beka, Rhade went into the kitchen of his room to make some coffee.

From working with Beka he knew that she practically lived off the stuff. And needed it to be alive and cheery in the morning. Without it she was a zombie who you do not want to cross. And he wanted this morning to be perfect.

Rhade knew about Beka’s past relationships, and because of them she was afraid- no terrified- of commitment. And he wanted this to work. To him, they already belonged to each other. In neitzschean culture when a male and a female sleep together they are bound for life. Or until something serious happens that may make them want to separate. Or one kills the other. And Rhade did not like either of those choices. Especially since he knew that he would probably be the one in the morgue. He’d seen Beka angry, wasn’t pretty.

He would just have to take this slowly. As if he were a human male. He did not want to scare her off. Rhade was just going to treat it as if they were dating. Take her out to restaurants, clubs, and bars. And buy her things. And then hopefully go back to a room with her. His, hers, the Maru, all good.

Rhade would just have to go it slowly. No matter how much it killed him. Even if she pushed, he would still be there, no matter what. Beka needed stability, and he would happily be the one to give it to her. He would go as slow in the relationship as she needed. Even if he couldn’t call it a relationship, sleep with her, kiss her, touch, feel her, and hold her. He would wait it out. Not very neitzschean of him, but she was worth it.

The coffee finished and Rhade grabbed two mugs and filled them both with coffee. He added two creams to his and left hers black, he knew that was how she took her coffee. He put the mugs on a tray and grabbed two almond croissants from a container. They really were the best. Sprinkled with almond pieces on top and filled with an almond paste. He quickly put them in a mini oven to heat them as he grabbed a few napkins. Taking the food out and putting it on the tray, he picked it up and started to make his way back to the bed. He knew that Beka was awake since he heard movement a little while ago. He smiled as he entered.

“Good morning”

Rhade frowned. He was talking to an empty room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Beka woke up for the second time feeling colder then she had been earlier. She sat up, looked around, and realized that she was alone. It was at this that she felt a pang of loneliness. And it was at that pang that she freaked, and doubt crept into her mind.

Beka Valentine was not used to missing her lovers once they were gone. Nor was she used to them leaving her after they shared a bed. And if they did leave, it was certainly not while she was still asleep. But Rhade had.

He left her alone, she thought that he was different, but he wasn’t. She was just probably a little fun after the party. But she really thought that he liked her. Guess she was wrong. Not like she hadn’t made bad judgment calls with guys in the past. God, look at Bobby.

She quickly got up and as quietly as she could got dressed and left the room. She would just go to the mess hall and get some breakfast and coffee. Or maybe just coffee. It always made her feel better.

She wasn’t going to be there when he got back. He would probably throw her out. Or even worse, use her again and then make her leave. And Beka Valentine was nobody’s toy. She would just get over it. Move on. So what, he didn’t want her? And had left her alone in bed? Snuck out when she couldn’t catch him? It didn’t matter. It was just one night, and they would never discuss it again. They were drunk, it was mistake, and she could live without him.

“No big deal. Don’t need him, he certainly doesn’t need or want me. He’s nothing. I can do better. He’s nothing.” She said in a confident tone. But then insecurity crept back. And in a hurt whispered tone she said.

“So then why do I feel like a thousand shattered pieces?”

* * * * * * * * * *


Chapter 3

Don’t pat the ducky

By the time that Harper and Rommie were out of the shower and tub they not only had used every fun water game they could think of, but were late for their respective duties. There was going to be a senior staff meeting in an hour or so. And Harper was supposed to finish some repairs and do updates on certain functions of the ship beforehand. Dylan would ask in the meeting how they were going, and as fun as it would be to see the look on Dylan’s face, Harper could not say that he hadn’t started because he was screwing the AI.

Hell, I would love to see EVERYONE’S face if I said that out loud. Hmmm. Maybe I should. Nah, Rommie would kill me. Or at least one of her personalities would. Would be worth it though. I’d have to videotape it. Their expressions would be priceless. Where did I leave my camera?

Rommie on the other hand was supposed to be in conference with Dylan right now. They were to discuss what was going to be said at the meeting. Any problems that have occurred with crew, new and old, and any problems on the ship herself. Dylan wanted everything to be in perfect working order with no discrepancies. Apparently, they were just now going to deal with the Magog warship. Since there are no princesses to save or bio-armor to transport, the worldship is now a top priority.

Oh joyful. I get to be almost destroyed again. How fun. Not that I mind helping people. But why I am always the warship, the ONLY warship that gets placed in these suicidal positions? Magog are better then Dylan’s damsel distressed of the week, more of a challenge, but still. If I get blown up or clawed to bits one more time then my hot water in Dylan’s room will cease to work and my internal defenses outside select people’s doors will go on the fritz. I’ll be sure of that. Hmmmm? Why do I sound so bitter?

“Hey Romdoll, I gotta go work on some repairs now. But say you ‘an me work on each other after the meeting”, Harper said as he flashed her a huge grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

Rommie grinned and sauntered over to Harper, gave him a kiss, and whispered something in his ear.

Harper blushed and then grinned even wider.

“All you got to do is say the word Rom, and I’m all yours. Hell, just look at me, or stand in the same room and you can own me.”

As Rommie walked out of the room she smiled as she heard what Harper said.
Maybe I should have gotten involved with him sooner. Then by now we could have a-
A frown covered Rommie’s beautiful features for the rest of her way to the meeting.

Chapter 4

Have you seen my force lance?

(Sorry! I couldn’t help myself! I just had to use that line!)

When Dylan next awoke he was alone, and wasn’t sure why. At first he thought that maybe the night before was a dream, a wonderfully realistic dream. Looking around he saw no indication of the night before having ever occurred.

He sighed.

There are definitely drawbacks to being captain. And relationships with crew, or lack thereof is near the top.

Dylan out of bed, got dressed.

“Andromeda?”, Dylan asked as he looked around his room and a hologram appeared to the right of him.

“Yes sir?”

“have you seen my force lance. I could have sworn I left it on my chair last night before I- umm. I mean *cough * .”

“Had ‘relations’ with a member of your crew sir? I think it must have fallen off of the chair when you dropped your oants, Nadine took off her shirt, you bumped the chair, and thw two of you fell onto your bed.”

Dylan stood with his mouith open.

“You forgot privacy mode”

* * * * *

Dylan finally got to the meeting room after finging his force lance under the coffe table. On his way their however, various members of the crew could hear him angrily mumbling something about privacy mode.

* * * * * *

Dylan sat at his desk annoyed. Rommie was late. And they needed to discuss some things before the meeting. Dylan knew his crew. And how they might react to the news he had to tell them. That being said, Rommie knew them better. She could see them at all, most, times. And was able to spend much more time conversing with them, as she could speak to all of them at once if she so choose. While he could only talk to one at a time, and it would definitely take more then a week to do so, counting the ‘new’ crew.

Just then Rommie walked in the door. Dylan had an annoyed expression on his face.
He sternly said, “You’re late.”

Chapter 5

The Meeting (could NOT think of a chapter title for this one.)

Rommie and Dylan were sitting at the table, Dylan at the head, Rommie to his left. The crew was late. 3.439 minutes late by Rommie's calculations. And “too damn long” by Dylan’s. It was obvious to the avatar that Dylan was in a bad mood. Probably because of his newest ‘chick’ and how she left his room without his knowing. And why do men call women chicks? Do men think they somehow resemble poultry? It was not logical.

“Why are females called ‘chicks’ by males?"

Dylan sent Rommie a death glare, fortunately for her, Trance walked into the room at that precise moment. She always did have wonderful timing.

“Hello Dylan, Rommie. Sorry I’m late. My bonsai needed me.”

Rommie quirked an eyebrow at a tree needing anyone, but Dylan just nodded. A little of his frustration leaving him.

Trance sat down at the table, opposite end from Dylan.

Just then Harper and Rhade came in, Rhade growling at Harper.

“Geese Rhade, chill, would ya? All I said was ‘hello’. And mentioned Beka. You don’t have to bite my head off because she’s being bitchy to you again. But hey! At least now you know it’s not the abyss, but you’re charming personality!”

During this Harper sat down next to Rommie, and Rhade sat down one space down from Dylan. There was an empty seat on either side of trance.

Rhade was about to lean across the table and give a Harper a few choice ‘words’ when Beka ran in. Already figuring Beka was mad at him, he didn’t want her furious by making her Shamus bleed-or worse.

Rhade was a VERY irritable neitzschean at the moment. And the fact that Beka sat down next to him was not helping. She had not showered since she left his room, so she still smelled of him and sex, though he doubted she knew. And he highly doubted she knew what that was doing to him. Unless she wanted him to suffer. Which was exactly what he was doing- suffering. By having her that close and not being able to touch her. It was one thing before, but now that he’d her, he didn’t think he’d ever be sane again if she was never his again.

Beka, on the other hand, didn’t even notice Rhade when she ran into the room. She was running late from talking to Nadine. Beka didn’t even know that Nadine was on the Andromeda until that morning when they ran in to each other in the coffee nook of the kitchen. She had been sitting with a cocky guy she remembered as being one of Nadine’s friends from when they were little. It was nice to have her back in her life again. But when she found out whoever the guy was that was giving her baby cousin drama, Beka was going to give him serious issues to worry about.
“ Sorry I’m late Dylan. I got lost in a conversation in the mess hall.”

Dylan, seeing a way to vent his frustrations at Nadine for leaving, Andromeda for seeing him and Nadine last night, and the upcoming battle with the magog, took it. And lashed out at Beka.
“Oh really Beka. Well who could be so damn important that you had to be late for a meeting in which I have to tell everyone that we have to go to some paranoid planet that Rommie’s databanks have never heard of so we can make treaties before the magog come swarming in at them. And after the magog devoir them, head off and destroy the rest of the universe. Well? I’m waiting. Who was so freaking important?”

The entire table stared shocked at Dylan’s outburst. Though Trance did not seemed as surprised as the rest.

Rhade, who had been growling lowly at Dylan for yelling at Beka during the whole speech, took the silence as an opportunity to speak. He half growled for treating Beka poorly. If he was irritated before, he was way beyond frustration now.

“Dylan. Beka was not the only one late. Harper and I were as well. And at least Beka apologized, that’s more then Harper and I did.”

Harper said quietly (and slightly confused), “ Sorry boss.”

Rhade glanced in his direction with a look of death at Harper’s apology, and Harper sank back in his chair as Rommie put her hand on his knee to comfort him.

“If you are upset do Not take it out on Rebecca. I will not allow you to treat her in that way, in ANY way. Or wee WILL have a problem.” Rhade growled form how crappy the day was going, and how Beka would probably yell at him for saying that later. He got up and stormed out of the room.”

Dylan quickly got over his shock at his favorite kiss-ass yelling at him and called out, “and just where do you think you’re going?! We do have a meeting you know!”

Rhade said over his shoulder, as he walked out of the room, and the doors closed behind him, “ you said everything you needed to say, and I don’t want to sit in there anymore.”

“You know what, Captain, I think I’ll leave too.” Said Beka as she got up to leave. “You’re being an ass, I’m having a bad day anyway. Rommie, Harper, Trance, excuse me.”

And with that Beka walked out of the room.

Followed by Harper as he said “ See you guys later, I, ah, have a lot of, ah, work to, ah, do.”
And Rommie, “ I’ll assist Harper.”

So Dylan was left alone with Trance. Trance stared at Dylan wondering how he could have screwed up the meeting so much by letting his personal life issues seep into his work life.

She internally sighed as she wondered how the crew would survive the upcoming battle, now that they were split in so many ways. Although, things were looking up. Rommie and Harper were together. And Beka was on asking Andromeda where Rhade was. Yes, things were definitely looking up. Especially since she was going to be seeing an old friend again soon.
At the thought of him it took all of Trance’s self control not to smile.

It was then that Dylan looked up at Trance looking bewildered. After a moment he spoke.

“What just happened?”

Chapter 6

Ah, love is in the air

# # # # #

'She internally sighed as she wondered how the crew would survive the upcoming battle, now that they were split in so many ways. Although, things were looking up. Rommie and Harper were together. And Beka was on asking Andromeda where Rhade was. Yes, things were definitely looking up. Especially since she was going to be seeing an old friend again soon.
At the thought of him it took all of Trance’s self control not to smile.

It was then that Dylan looked up at Trance looking bewildered. After a moment he spoke.

“What just happened?”

# # # # #

Trance looked at Dylan and began to speak as if explaining something so a child.

'“Well Dylan, I believe that tensions are really high right now. Slipping from last night’s party to all business this morning. And that maybe people are just taking their frustrations out on each other. You on Rhade, And Rhade on you, Beka slightly on you. Hmm. I guess you’re an easy target.”

“Lucky me.”

(pause).

'“Dylan?”

“Yes Trance?”

“Umm, is it okay if a friend of mine stays with us for a little while?”

“Sure Trance, just so long as they don’t cause too much trouble.”

“Oh no Dylan, he won’t be a bother at all. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go, he’ll be here later today and I really would like to get my room ready as he will be staying with me.”

'As Trance said this she and Dylan were walking to the door and she finished speaking as they got into the hallway and were about to go in opposite directions. From inside the room, Dylan to the left and Trance to the right.

'“Trance?”

'“Yes?”

'“One last thing, who is this person? Just so I know who’s staying on my ship.”

'Trance smiled cryptically and replied before walking off, “My fiancé.”

'Dylan, for his part, simply stared wide-eyed mouth open at the departing Trance.

# # # # #

“Andromeda, where is Rhade?” asked/growled/hissed a very confused and irate first officer.
“In the gym working out. But I would not recommend going in there”, said a hologram of Andromeda.

“And why is that?”

“Because pissed off neitzschean males tend to become a bit aggressive to anyone, especially one who might annoy them further. And somehow I doubt you’re about to give him a pat on the back for some job well done. And I would like to have a first officer not chopped to bits by boneblades”

At this the first officer stopped her angry march to the gym and grinned.

“Did you just say ‘pissed’?”

Andromeda looked around like a child caught opening her Christmas presents the day before.
“No.”

Still grinning, “Yes you did. You cursed.”

“No I did not”

'“Yeah you did.”

'“Did not.”

'“Did too.”

'“Did not.”

'“Did too did too did too did too too too!”

'Andromeda, now annoyed at this childish ‘conversation’ she was having with her first officer, and her slip up of using a curse, felt her temper growing short. Which annoyed her even more. She was, after all, the ship’s central AI and was not supposed to have emotions or speak out of regulation. Quite possibly it was only Rommie’s systems seeping into hers causes her to use lewd language and hold a useless, juvenile argument that had no relevance to anything important whatsoever. So she simply disappeared to locate Harper to resolve the problem, and left Beka alone in the hallway once again.

# # # # #

“Harper, I am not putting it on.”

“Aww come on Rom, ya know you wanna.”

'To which Rommie gave a look that clearly said ‘wanna die slowly by magog? Parade around the ship naked? Rip your arms off? Yeah. Cause I’d rather do all three of those then this’.

'“Rommie it will spice up our love life. Please.” And added his puppy dog eyes for extra measure. He really wanted her to wear the costume, and didn’t see what the big deal was. He thought she’d look hot as hell in it. Hell? No. She’d look even hotter. Way hotter. If only he could trick her into it somehow…

“Harper, as cute as you are, and as hard as it is to say no to your puppy dog eyes, I still say NO. And we do not need to spice up anything. We only started our ‘something’ last night, if it needs spicing up already then maybe it’s not worth having.”

Harper stared at her his mouth agape that he’d messed it up already.

Rommie pouted and added, “As fun as it is.”

Just then a hologram of Andromeda appeared.

“Harper I need to check something for me.”

# # # # #

Rhade was in the gym lifting weights, growling between every lift.

Thinking about how mad Dylan might be at him later, but mostly about Beka. His Beka.
“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”

Hopefully still his Beka, if she ever has.

The weight dropped to the floor as all of Rhade’s anger slipped away at this depressing revelation. Beka may never have been his. And she may never want him. She may never claim him.

Last night may have just been something fun for her to do. Or she just may have been beyond drunk and grabbed the first male available. She may not feel for him what he feels for her. It may have been just another of her flings or one nightstands with men.

Rhade slipped onto the floor with an expression of undeniable emotional pain.

He might never hold her, taste her, touch her again. And only one word could describe Rhade at that moment.

Anguish.


Chapter 7

“Hey Mike, did you hear about our esteemed captain did last night?”

“Nah, Carl, what did he do?”

“Nadine.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“Really.”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, and that’s not all. Ya wanna know what the best part is?”

“What?”

“Turns out our dear little Nadine is the first officer’s cousin.”

“Well, I guess we now know why she always gets the top jobs. Valentine’s cousin, and now hunt’s new toy.”

“Yep, guess it won’t be long before she’s a commanding officer on her own ship, huh?”

At that point Nadine had heard enough and silently stormed away from the mess hall to their laughter. Stomping down the hallway the five foot four dirty blonde haired vixen looked every bit the angry Valentine after being pissed off, and no one dared get in her way. Or even say hello.

‘Those idiots. See, now this is why I didn’t tell Bex I was here. I mean, I love my cousin, she’s my favorite, and we get along so well. But everyone would think I was getting special treatment from her. And I’m not! Beka wouldn’t do that anyway. She’d treat me tougher, so that I’d have a better chance of fighting and staying alive. So of course I used a fake name, I didn’t want anyone thinking I was getting by on a name. Gahhhh. I want to be Nadine Wellsbrooke again. Not Nadine Valentine, first officer’s baby cousin, captain’s whatever I am to him now.’

And so caught in her own little thoughts, no one bothered her. That is until, Dylan hunt walked confusedly into her path to her room, and all hell broke loose as her vocal cords displayed why no one in their sound mind messed with a Valentine.

22222222222

‘Hmm.’ Sigh. ‘Maybe I should just let him cool off first, I mean, do I even know what I’m going to say to him? No, no I don’t. Not a clue. And this is one emotional Valentine so if I go in there without knowing what I’ll say I’ll screw it up further, if there even is anything to screw up. See, now this is where I wish I could just have normal relationships with guys. Just once, I’d like to have a normal romance. Okay, I’ll go back to my room, think out how I feel for him, what I want to say, how he was acting at the meeting. And then I’ll find him and kiss him then take him back to my room and… NO! Bad Beka, very very bad Beka. Okay. New plan. Sleep. Just get lots and lots of sleep and think about it later. Let him come to me. And then when he does I’ll pull him into my room and…Gah.’

22222222222

Trance stared at her room on the Andromeda and looked at the work she had done in rearranging her room. The bed was a bigger size, to accommodate both avatars bodies. Plants were spread around the room on two dressers, tables, and the floor. The room was rather sparse except for these objects and carved wooden boxes, a small fountain, and some stones. Plush rugs of bright yellows and oranges were seen on the floor. And the walls were in bright blue with white swirls.
Trance smiled at her work of making room for him, and headed for the hanger bay as she felt his presence drawing near. It had been so long since they had seen each other, before she was purple. When she was but a young child, and their essences were bound together, creating their engagement for them to one day unite. She had been a light pink color then, and him a red. If she guessed correctly, when she turned purple, he turned blue. And now he would be silver.

Her pace picked up speed as she was filled with excitement and fear of seeing him again. She had become so human. Would he accept her for a joining? Or would he reject her and leave her in shame. But from what she had sensed and heard about him, he as well had become humanized. Spending time in the universe, in different realities, trying to make things right. She only hoped that he had succeeding at least once somewhere, so maybe he could help her here, so achieve that perfect possible future she always dreamed of.

Chapter 8

Yelling, a spectator sport

Walking down the hallway to grab some food, and aspirin, Dylan tried to make sense of his day so far.

Rhade was mad at him. Beka was mad at him. Harper was hiding something. Trance is engaged and her fiancé is going to be there soon. And Rommie, well, okay so maybe Rommie wasn't up to anything- at least that he KNEW of. And Nadine, well, that was a touchy subject since she had stolen away during the night.

Suffice to say, he was one confused man.

One confused man who just wanted to ask Nadine out, find out why his crew was angry with him this time, figure what Harper is up to and should he be worried and a handful of aspirin.

And while working out in his head why two of his top officers were angry, another was hiding something that was probably, knowing the creator, dangerous or useless, and another was bringing in a second sun avatar onto his ship, he crashed into a lithe body.

Dylan had just enough time to see Nadine, the beautiful creature that haunted his dreams, before she started to yell at him.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?! Sleeping with me! Argh! What's wrong with you! Do you always take advantage of young drunk women?! Granted, I was not all that drunk, I only had a few shots, but still! Jerk! I hate you! Do you have any idea what the fack you've done to me! I'm the ship whore! Every thinks you give me special treatment just cause I let you jump me! Gah, you're such an ass and you suck in bed! That thing you did with your tongue and I said I liked it?! I lied! I hated it! It felt gross! And a magog is better in bed then you are!"

Okay, so maybe she was lying a little. Okay, a lot. But hey, she was mad, and it's not like he cared or anything. It was near lunch and he hadn't looked for her all day. So why would he care? Unless people heard her and it's not like they drew a crowd or any- oh shit.

Dylan stood in shock a moment as she yelled at him and saw a crowd begin to form. When she got to the end of her tirade he was blushing with anger and (mostly) embarrassment at what she said and could hear the people around them snicker.

He grabbed her wrist and turned around dragging her behind him in shock as he went back the way that he had come. She didn't say anything so he figured correctly that she was shocked that she had yelled all that in front of a crowd.

"Where's your room?" he asked her, anger barely hidden in his words.

She quietly replied, "Third door on the left, but I think one of my roommate's still in there. She usually sleeps at this time. She likes a quick nap at lunch."

Dylan stormed into the room, still not releasing his grip on Nadine's wrist.

222222222222

Rommie walked into her quarters after leaving Harper with the hologram. She looked around the comfortable, yet staged, settings of her room and sighed as she sat in a chair. A chair that was strategically placed next to a coffee table, love seat, chair, and an ottoman.

Her room was set up for diplomatic meetings and staged to make anyone who entered feel welcome. And the order of it always made the AI feel comfortable. Except for now.

She closed her eyes and leaned back into the chair, wishing it were squishier, so that she could sink into it. She would have to borrow one of Beka's.

Being an AI she liked order, things she could explain and control. But now she wanted chaos. Something to happen unexpectedly, something fun. Something she could explore and have and cherish.

She had a family, but she wanted more.

She had Harper, but for how long? What if he decided she wasn't all that he had thought she would be? And he left her, what would she do then?

Sometimes having a mind as large as hers was a nuisance.

She sighed again.

She knew what she wanted.

It was something she could never have.

She wanted a family, a real family, with Harper.

She wanted a baby. She wanted to have children and watch them grow as she'd seen so many others. She wanted to get married and grow with the other person.

And with silent tears she realized she never could.

Chapter 9

O-kay, that, was, um, yeah

Beka Valentine was pacing her room trying to convince herself that she was not hiding from Rhade, merely putting space between them so that she didn’t do anything stupid that she might later regret.

Of course, she was also trying to convince herself that she should go speak to him, as he would be in his room by now.

Not that she memorized his schedule so she could frequently “accidentally” bump into him at “random” completely “unplanned” places on her part or anything.

Noooo, that would just be crazy.

“Ahhhhhhhh. Okay, I’ll just pop by his room and talk to him. But what if he doesn’t want to see me? Gah, of course he does, what guy wouldn’t? I mean, hel-lo, look at me. What man could say no after I put the moves on him? Then again, he did leave. Okay, so I might have overreacted a teeny bit with the whole him not being there. This is a warship, maybe he got called to do something, or he had an early shift. See, it was all just in my head. Darn the Valentine temper. And I swore I’d watch it after I beat up the poor Than on Vedas drift. The poor hot dog vendor, he never saw it coming. I hear he came out of the coma though.”

Shaking her head to get rid of that train of thought, Beka left her room and walked down to Rhade’s room.

‘Okay, so I’ll just ask to come in to talk about last night. I won’t say anything about feeling either way about it until he does. Let the guy go first. Always a good rule, that way I don’t get my heart gutted, stomped on, and crushed to bits. Then again, if he says it was an accident then it will be. Why is my love life always this hard?’

Beka passed a crowd along the way mumbling something about some chick yelling at Dylan.
‘Oh god, did he sleep with one of the crew? This is so getting out of hand. Where’s the guy who pined over Sarah and practically cried if you said her name?’ Sigh. ‘I’m starting to miss that boring old fossil. Hey, when’s the last time Dylan played basketball or GO? Hmmm. Oh well, I’m here.’

‘Okay, walk to door and stop in front of it.’

‘ Check.’

‘Raise hand to doorbell.’

‘Check.’

‘Ring doorbell.’

‘Not check, not check! Run away! You’ve done it before Valentine. Abort! Abort!’

‘Oh my god. Okay, calm down. I can do this. I can even do it calmly if I try REALLY hard.’

‘Yeah, or stop breathing.

‘Okay, just ring the damn bell Becky. It’s not that hard to push a little button.’

‘ Well, yeah, maybe, but what if he answers?’

‘ What if he isn’t in there yet and comes up behind you standing at his door with your finger above his doorbell? Which is worse huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?!’

‘Okay okay, fine! You win!’

Beka presses the little button and chimes can be heard within.

‘Okay, breathe, I can do this.’

The door slides open as Beka begins to speak looking at the floor.

“Hey, we really need to talk about what happened last night.”

“Why, what happened last night? Ooh, was it something juicy?”

Shocked, Beka head snapped up to reveal a girl standing in Rhade’s doorway in only a towel, looking fresh out of the shower.

“Umm, can you just, umm. Can you not tell Rhade I was here? We were going over paper work, and I just realized that I, um, already got his, ah, signature on something so, yeah, okay then.”

“Sure, I’ll tell him, but you can come in and tell him yourself if you want.”

“No really, that’s okay.”

“Ooh, here he comes.”

Sure enough, Rhade came into view also wearing only a towel and still dripping wet from the shower.

Beka only had enough time to register the expression on his face before she fled down the hall to lock herself in her room and cry on her bed – shock.

222222222

Nadine winced once Dylan and her were in her room and his grip not only did not let go of her wrist, but also tightened.

“Dylan, that hurts.”

His grip considerably lightened, but did not let go.

“I’m sorry Nadine, but why did you leave?”

“What?”

“This morning. Why did you leave after last night, last night was amazing. And I really want this, whatever this is, to continue between us. I don’t know why you left, and you don’t have to tell me, but could you please stay now? Please? God Nadine, I don’t think you know what you do to me.”

“Awwww, well go on, kiss him already girl!”

Glancing over, Nadine saw her roommate and on/off friend, Allison, on her bunk reading a magazine.

“Hey Allie, you want to leave for a little while?”

“Why? Oh, a little ‘alone time’. Gotcha. Going to the gym, play nice kiddies. Or dirty, whichever rox ya sox.”

Hearing Dylan laugh lightly as the door closed behind Allie, Nadine turned to Dylan.
“Did you really mean that?”

“Every word and so much more.”

“And you aren’t mad at what I yelled in the hallway?”

“Well, my male ego is bruised. But hey, what else is new?”

“Well”, she said grabbing him and slinking backward, “There’s my bed, want me to give your male ego a little boost?”

“We could give it a try.”

222222222

Dylan jumped little at the sound of another voice in the room, and was glad that neither of the girls noticed his light blush. Laughing lightly as, uh Allison?, left the room, he turned back to Nadine to see her biting her lip.

A habit he noticed she often used whenever she was nervous, confused or uncomfortable. He thought it was the cutest thing ever. That, and he just loved they way she bit her cute pink lips.
Grinning as they leaned back on the back on the bed they kissed lightly, but it grew more passionate as they lay down completely. Breaking way from the kiss, to which she frowned, he uttered two words before taking her lips once again.

“Privacy Mode.”

222222222

“Great, now that Nadine’s got Captain ‘I have a complex where I have to save everybody but that’s okay cause I got a nice ass’, I’m the last one without a boyfriend.”

Allison complained to herself as she walked into the gym.

‘Ooh, speaking of nice asses, hello Rhade. Me-ow. I’d like to hit that. Hmm, why not? It’s like he’s seeing anybody. I would have heard about it, I always hear about these things. Oooh. He’s so hot and broody and dangerous. I could so tame him. Hmmm, now to form a plan and put it in action.’

Allison “worked out” in the gym for 48 minutes, until Rhade starting to leave. Then she ran into the girl’s locker rooms, waited a few minutes, and then came back out acting disgruntled and sad.
On cue Rhade asked her, “Is something wrong?”

“Yes” she pouted in what she hoped was a sexy way, “the showers are broken and I’m all icky and sweaty. What will I do now?” she fluttered her eyelashes.

He paused for a moment and then looked almost hesitant.

“Is there any where else you can shower?”

“No” she replied in a whispery voice

“Well, you can use mine then. Come on.”

He turned and started to leave as she smiled and quickly ran up to him to walk next to him. Along the way she asked him questions about himself, and he really seemed to like her. After all, he did keep looking at her.

Once his room she barely had time to look around before he led her to the bathroom and showed her where the towels and soaps were. He then left her alone in the bathroom to shower.

She finished quickly and slipped the towel around herself as the left the bathroom and looked around for him.

He was on his bed.

‘Good. That’s where we would end up anyway’

“Hey, I’m all done”, she said looking down at him through her eyelashes and biting her finger.

“Umm, thanks. Uh, I’m going to go, and um, use the shower now.” And he slowly slid past her, looking at her the entire time.

‘YES! It’s working. He can’t help but like me. Wow. I’m like so totally hot.’

The water started in the bathroom just as chimes went off.

‘Oh my god. We have the same doorbell. It’s like fate WANTS us to be together. This is so cool!’

She walked to the door and opened it to reveal the first officer, whatever her name was. She really did not remember everyone’s names. Only hot guys and the occasional girl.

‘Uh, thank god. For a moment there I thought something happened between her and the soon to be mine Rhade. Oooh, yeah, she’s going to leave. I mean I already have a cute nickname for him, snuggle muffin. What guy wouldn’t like that name? Ah, maybe I should be nice to her anyway, they are friends after all. And what if he asks her what she thinks about me? And she says she hates me and he isn’t mine! I would like so die!’

Just as she was about to leave, Rhade came up. Tearing her eyes away from the vision that is Rhade dripping wet in only a towel across his waist, a tiny towel that hung low and only went to a little below mid thigh – ‘God bless the maker of that towel’ – she noticed that the first officer was already gone.

She turned back around smiling sexily to Rhade only to find him looking very angry.

‘Ut-oh. Maybe I said the towel thing out loud.’

Chapter 10

Fack, I'm so screwed

Rhade finally managed to get his emotions in check and stood up off of the floor at the exact time that a woman entered the room. He picked up the weights that he had dropped in his grief and walked over to put them away. Strangely, he thought he felt her gaze on him. Even stranger, he got a bad feeling and became uncomfortable.

Deciding to shrug it off, she was just one of the ship's crew after all, he began to work on some of the machines getting a short full body workout.

'Beka was just scared this morning. Neitzschean mean commitment, and Valentine means anti-commitment. She didn't seem mad at me at the meeting, I think I even heard her yelling at Dylan as I stormed off. Maybe she just needed time to think. I'll go back to my room, take a shower, and ask Andromeda to send a message to Beka asking her to join me for dinner. I'll block off the Obs deck and plan a romantic evening. If she comes, then she feels for me what I feel for her. And if she doesn't… then I'll just have to find a way to deal with it.'

Finishing his last rep on the machine he noticed the girl rush into the ladies locker room. As he was ten feet from the door he saw her come out looking like someone just told her she won the lottery but her puppy died.

Internally sighing when his instincts to help won over his instincts to run away from this girl he turned to her.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes", she said as her face bloated like a puffer fish, "the showers are broken and I'm all icky and sweaty. What will I do now?"

Fighting the urge not to laugh at her puffy face and blinking eyes, what was she trying to do anyway? Squint in bright light?

'Maybe I should let her use my shower. She looks like she could use a break. Poor girl, probably went through a breakdown recently. Maybe she did have a puppy that died, but do I really want to deal with someone when I have plans to take care of? If I want to cook dinner for Beka and myself I still have to decide what to make. Maybe I can ask Andromeda what she likes. (Internal sigh).' "Is there any where else you can shower?" "No", she whispered like she was going to cry over it. 'She'll take a shower and then leave.'

"Well, you can use mine then. Come on."

He turned and began walking out of the door expecting her to follow, but instead she caught up with him and walked beside him.

She opened her mouth a few times as if to speak but said nothing.

'I wonder if she is a species that is part fish.'

"So, do you like being an uber?"

'What the hell did she just say?"

"I mean, is it hard to be a species that are mean and ruthless?"

'Would anyone really care if she died?'

"Do you ever hate your family? Or did you ever kill any of them? Or any try to kill you? Do neit wives ever get jealous of each other and have catfights over who gets to carry the next baby? If two wives had a kid on the same day, would they be twins? Is it hard to be so sexy? Why do you have such great hair? Can I pet you hair? You smell nice."

'Maybe showing her where my room is isn't such a good idea.' Thought Rhade as he glanced at her again, nervously.

'Hmm, she is right though, I do have nice hair. It's in my genes; I'll have a gorgeous head of hair until the day I die. And I always smell nice, why would I want to smell bad? Maybe she means even after my workout. Wait, did she ask to pet me? Ah, her hand is going near my head. Dodge, Tel, dodge!'

Thankfully, she arrived at his door at that exact moment. Entering his quarters he rushed her into the bathroom and showed her where the towels and soaps and such were and then quickly left the room wondering if she was on drugs or something.

Lying across his bed he slowly inhaled and exhaled. He analyzed the day so far and wondered if he could still salvage it.

"Andromeda."

A hologram appeared next to his bed, "Yes Rhade?"

"Can you please send a message asking her to please accompany me to dinner at the Obs deck tonight to discuss where we stand. If she does not show up, then I'll assume that she wants to go back to the way we were before. She'll know what that means."

The hologram nodded and blinked out.

As Rhade sighed he heard the girl enter the room after the fastest shower of all time.

"Hey. I'm all done."

He looked up to seeing her flushed face, most likely from hot water, blinking at him and chewing her finger like a celery stick.

'Maybe she's trying to blink something to me. Blink. Blink blink blink. Blink. Blink. Blink blink blink blink blink. Blinkkkkkkkkkk. Hmm. Not any code I know.'

He stood up and she stepped closer.

'Okay, note to self, never again invite strange girls into your room.'

"Umm, thanks, uh, I'm going to go, and um, use the shower now."

'Is she still blinking? Okay, second note to self, never invite any girls into your room, except Beka, unless forced to by torture of blinking. Does she mean to do it?'

Sigh.

Rhade quickly stripped and stepped into the shower turning on the water. He then heard his doorbell and wondered if he really wanted to leave the water to answer it.

'Nah, not worth it. Wait, is that Beka's voice?'

He turned off the water, and grabbed the nearest towel to wrap around himself. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't a very big towel.

"Why, what happened last night? Oooh, was it something juicy?"

Frowning he stepped out of the bathroom just in time to hear Beka sounding agitated and embarrassed.

"No really, that's okay."

As he walked towards the door the girl must have heard him for she replied something to Beka before she turned to him and looked as if she had gone into a trance as her eyes got really big and her mouth opened.

'Well, at least she stopped blinking. But the funny face thing…"

He walked up behind the girl and saw Beka standing in the doorway looking like she wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

But then she saw him and her expression changed to one of hurt.

'What? Oh fack, she thinks something happened between this girl and me. But I don't even know her name!'

Before he could reach out and stop her Beka fled down the hallway and the girl turned around and smiled at him.

Barely containing a growl Rhade asked her what happened and what did Beka say, and then told her Beka was the lady at the door when she seemed confused as to who Beka was.

"Aww come on snuggle muffin"

"Did you just call me 'snuggle muffin'?" asked Rhade who temporarily forgot everything else.
'Really, who would miss this girl?'

"Snuggs, you know short for snuggle muffin."

'Just one slash of my boneblades.'

"Forget about her. I'm here, you're here, and we're both in towels. There's a perfectly good bed do the math."

'I think I'll throw up on her, and then slash her throat. So she'll die smelly.'

"I don't like math" he growled out as he shoved her out the door and locked it.

The last he heard was "But I'm only wearing a towel! Snuggle! Snuggs!"

2222222222

Trance made it to the airlock as he came out and her breath caught in her throat. He was beautiful.

About Dylan's height and build, silver, and his hair was the darkest charcoal black slightly shaggy. He wore an outfit similar to the make of hers, but it was a dark gray shade. Hw wore a necklace of woven green grasses that held a small charm in the front. It seemed to normal, but she knew that it was special. It held a tiny model of the planets his sun guarded, with his sun in the center. The planets all moved around by looking at the necklace he could see how his spot of reality was doing.

She had exactly like it, but now kept it hidden in a small wooden box. She didn't want to take the chance of anything happening to it. It almost broke once, and it was the only way for her to see her home, and she didn't want to loose it.

"Transcendence Gemini"

"Dasher Charmiane"

"You may call me dash."

"And may call me Trance. It's what the rest of the crew calls me by."

"Alright, so I take it that we will go to your quarters and then I will meet your friends at dinner Trance."

Blushing she replied, "Yes."

He smiled at her.

And holding hands they walked back to their room to get to know each other a little bit

Chapter 11

Past Pains Remembered

Trance and Dash spent the rest of their morning on their room getting to know each other a little bit more. It had after all, been centuries when they'd last seen each other as new born stars.

And while Dash was charming, there was just something different about him, something that made Trance not put privacy mode on in their room. She knew it was ridiculous, a star would never hurt their mate, without her he could never create a new life. They were destined to create a child, to be together ever since they were created.

But something was making her nervous.

She chalked it up to nerves, up until now she was independent and fighting alone, in the alternate universe Dasher had been killed. Destroyed by a sun sprite. The disgusting creatures, they were one of only things one of Trance's people feared.

Sun sprites had been around almost as long as stars. They had originated on Earth created by a sorceress in a time when gods ruled the planet. She had been the lover of Apollo, but not the only one.

You see, Apollo's other lover had been a sun avatar, and Apollo in his love for her decided to fly up to see her, in her natural form. Sadly, she had no idea of his plans, and he died in his foolishness.

So, seeing her love killed and blaming the other woman, one night the sorceress followed the avatar to a lake and as the sun creature bathed the sorceress called upon her powers and watched as the lake swallowed the sun avatar.

But the next day, she saw the woman in the market. Angry, she again set out to kill the girl. This time, she snuck into the sun avatars room while she was sleeping and stabbed her 12 times.

The next morning however, the sun avatar still came down for breakfast.

And she continued to kill the sun creature everyday for a week. Using poison, strangling her with silk, and so on.

Finally at the end of that week she realized something and cursed herself for her own stupidity.
Of course she couldn't kill the sun demon, the body was merely a shell for what she really was, she was really the bright ball of light in the sky. If she wanted the wench to die, she'd have to destroy the sun itself.

But there in lie the problem, if she destroyed the sun, then all on Earth would surely perish. So how to kill the creature without killing herself.

No one knew exactly how she did it, but one morning a servant found the body of the beautiful pink mistress lying dead in Apollo's favorite garden. Standing but three feet from the body was a woman, and five feet a man. Both wore smirks upon their faces, as if saying that they knew something that no one else did, and it could destroy the universe if not told, but they would never say it. The woman had blood upon her lips. And the man on his hands. She was teal, and he was orange.

And so the first death of a sun avatar, killing the soul without destroying the sun, occurred.

This may have not been a complete and total tragedy, had not the sorceress plunged a dagger into her own heart when other sun avatars came to find her.

For she was the only one who knew how they were created, and therefore how they could be destroyed.

Slowly over time the sprites grew in numbers, killing whenever possible. They were miserable creatures, and could only feel pleasure when taking the life of a sun. It was the only thing that spread warmth throughout their cold bodies.

And since they looked so much like a sun avatar, and could change their appearances to match any species, they killed so well.

That first death marked the beginning of an age of fear in the race. A fear of death, something they had never dealt with before.

And it all started with one sun goddess.

Elysium Gemini, Trance's mother.

Chapter 12

Good Ideas

Rebecca woke about an hour later lying face down curled on her bed hugging her pillow after crying herself to sleep. Hearing a beeping, she slowly sat up as she sniffed and rubbed her red eyes. Slowly taking in a deep breath, followed by two more.

“What.” She asked Andromeda in a sleepy, aggravated tone.

A hologram of Andromeda popped into as the beeping ceased, the idea that a message was waiting for her already conveyed.

The hologram looked at her, in an almost sympathetic tone as if she really didn’t want to relay the message. “Telemachus has sent you a message, would you like me to play it for you now? It is time coded, so you will have to view it in the next few hours, and then send back a reply.” She finished off gently seeing the look on Beka’s face. She really did like Rebecca; she was a valued crewmember and always treated Andromeda very well. And keeping the first officer sane did always tend to be useful as well.

Beka gulped as the words she just heard slowly sunk into her head. No, no, no, no, no, oh hell NO. She did not want to hear about whatever he had to tell her. Especially if that, that, that SLUT was with him when he recorded the message. Okay, so maybe she really hadn’t looked into the fact that his people had multiple wives aspect of it, but really, could he be that insensitive? She always thought, before with Tyr and now with Rhade, that they would discuss it. Basically him saying he would only have her and her agreeing to only have him and if that didn’t work then she would yell, cry, and threaten to leave him. And if all else failed, go to a bar or club with the whole crew and then shamelessly throw herself on some guy and let him see how much he likes to share.

Beka took a deep breath and looked down at the bed as she fiddled with her crumpled confronter.
A hologram of Rommie appeared. “If you want Beka, we can just tell you what it said, if that would be easier for you.” She told Beka gently, concern shining in her eyes.

Normally, if anyone hurt a member of her crew, she would wrap her slender fingers around their throat and squeeze the life out of them. However, since it involved another member of her crew, and she liked Rhade, she might just set off the internal defenses outside of his door and turn off all his hot water and break his coffee maker.

He may be a member of her crew and fond of him, but Beka was still one of her best friends.
Beka looked up tears starting to shine in her eyes, “Could you?” she asked quietly.

The two holograms shared a glance at Beka seeming so fragile. Over their faces washed concern and worry for Beka, and anger at Rhade.

How dare he hurt their Beka. Loyal first officer, amazing friend, advice giver, ass kicker, and dirty joke maker.

Granted, they could simply look into his room and see his side of the story, to be fair, but he had not taken privacy mode off in his room from last night. For all they knew, he was fornicating with that Allison girl right now.

Although, they could look up everything in Allison’s history and share any and all bad details with Beka to make her feel better.

Breaking their eye contact they looked back to Beka, still sitting on her bed looking more vulnerable then they’d ever seen her.

Andromeda was the one to answer her. “He sent a message asking you to join him for dinner in the Ob.s Deck. He’s going to cook dinner for you. He wants you to pick the food that will be served, whatever you like he will cook for the two of you. And would like to talk to you about the relationship between the two of you. He says what you saw earlier was not what it seemed to look like. The dress is formal. And he would like you to send a reply as soon as you have decided.” Andromeda paused, “He asks you to please say yes. That is all.”

“Tell him, tell him, for me, that, that I will, I will come. I’ll go. Rommie, can you send your avatar down here to help me pick out what to wear, and Andromeda, can you stay in hologram form. I know that Trance is busy, there was a message waiting in my room for me when I got here from her saying she’d explain why she’s holed up in her room later. But I could really use some girls right now.”

“And what about for dinner? What do you want to cook?” asked Rommie.

Beka thought about it. She wasn’t all that hungry, and didn’t think that she’d be able to eat anyway. She really didn’t feel like meat, and she wasn’t too fond of vegetarian food, all turtle food if you asked her. But she hated seafood, and Rhade was allergic to it, that was out of the ques-

“How about seafood?” Beka asked with a huge smile.

 

Chapter 13

Snooping


Harper had just finished checking out all of the Andromeda’s systems for anything out of the ordinary, and found nothing. And since he was bored out of his freaking mind he tried to call Rommie up, but got no answer. Apparently she was locked in her room doing something. And whatever it was, Harper was getting a very bad feeling over it. So he did what any loving boyfriend would do, he hacked into the system to see what was bothering her.
It wasn’t like he was invading her privacy after all.
Entirely.
Sorta.
After sitting in his machine shop under his work table, as if that would hide him from Andromeda, for about 20 minutes he was finally into Rommie’s private files. Ones that only she had access to, her private thoughts on everything and everyone.
After reading about how she used to be in love with Dylan, and feeling like throwing up as she described his ‘rugged beauty as he steps out of the shower’, he felt like maybe it was wrong to read this. He was just being crazy, there was nothing wrong, he was just probably freaking out that she liked him back and wasn’t trying to kill him. That rarely happened to him.
And then he saw it.
I know I shouldn’t worry, Harper loves me. I see it in the way that he looks at me, and how for years he has murmured my name in his sleep, when it’s peaceful.
How whenever something happens to me this look enters his eyes. Fear that I won’t be all right, pain at seeing me hurt, and anger at whoever did it to me.
I saw the pain in his eyes when I followed Dylan like a puppy. The hurt when I chose Gabriel. The disbelief when I went ‘back’ to Gabriel.
He loves me. He knows it, I know, hell, everybody with eyes know it.
And I love him. He knows, I know, and hopefully soon everyone else will as well.
But what if love is not enough?
Harper, my Harper, is a genius, and he’ll willingly shout it to anyone who asks, but he could only make me so real.
So human.
It hurts, to know that he may leave me. Maybe I should leave him first, but no. It would hurt to much. Then again, staying may hurt me more in the end, but at least I will have had him.
He wants a family. I know he does. What happens when he wants to start having children and I can’t? I hurts me to know that I can’t give him kids, and to know that I can never have kids. Maybe he did make me to human.
What will I do?
Please, someone tell me. I really don’t know. This was never programmed into me! I should have never had to deal with this! It’s not my fault! He made me love him!
I want children, to have a family, a REAL family. I wantthe son, andthe daughter, and the even the dog. I want the house on a planet. I want this thing called normalcy.
(Sigh).
Will I ever have it?
Will Harper ever truly be happy with just a machine? Will he leave me? Should I leave him first?
They never taught me how to do this.
Why did they never teach me how to do this? Is it wrong? Should I not love him? Should I not want to hold him and love him and just have his beautiful eyes stare into mine telling me that it will all be okay?
How will I go on once he dies?
How will I manage to watch him grow old and weak?
How can I be strong enough for this?
I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.
I don’t know what to do.
Please.
PLEASE, somebody tell me what to do…
End recording now please and lock files under Rommie’s logs, code Andromeda 'Rommie' Ascendant, alpha omega 9

 

...to be continued

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