| Rhade
get's the Joke |
The big man brooded and drank at the end of the bars, displeased snarls keeping everyone away. Including his friends, not that he had many on Seefra. But then again, who did?
Daye leaned wearily at the other end of the bar by Harper and Beka, having finished serving for the moment.
“What is wrong with him today?” Beka asked glancing down at Rhade.
“Who knows with a Nietzchean?” Harper answered breezily.
“Is it that time of month again?” Beka asked slyly, knowing that Harper would get a kick out of the innuendo.
“They do seem to have PMS like all the time don’t they?” Harper said snickering with Beka.
Daye looked at them, then down at Rhade and said, “ I bet I can make him to laugh.”
“What?! And mar his record of perfect moodiness? He’d never dare.”
“What do you want to bet little man?” She asked, paraphrasing Rhade.
“How the hell do you think you think that you can get him to laugh? And I mean laugh. Not just a sarcastic smile and a snicker.” Beka asked amazed at Daye’s unusual audacity.
“Oh, just an old joke.” She said mysteriously.
“Hey I know lots of old jokes, and he’s never laughed at a single one of them.” Harper said.
“You haven’t told him this one.”
“What’s the joke?”
“Can’t tell you. Only him.”
“Then it must not be that funny.”
“Oh, he’ll think it’s funny in a cruel kind of way, and he won’t tell anyone.” Looking at Harper she continued with a smile, “Especially you. He’ll know it’ll aggravate the hell out of you that he knows something funny and you don’t.”
“That’s not funny” Harper sulked.
Beka giggled and said, “I don’t know, that sounds like something he’d do to get back at you.”
“He wouldn’t tell you either Beka.”
“Hey!” Beka yelped.
“No fair. How will we know that you’re actually telling a joke, or if you’re just telling him to laugh to split a bet?” Harper spouted.
Daye looked as Doyle walked in wearing that hideous pink jumpsuit she liked. Harper was obviously unable to give her any fashion sense. Of course he didn’t have one either. She called out, “Doyle.”
“Yes?” She asked happily.
Daye looked at her. “You know, it’s kind of freaky how you’re
always happy. It also makes it obvious to anybody observant that you’re
not human.”
“Hey, my Doyle is perfect.” Harper said indignantly.
Giving her a quizzical smile Doyle asked, “Did you call me over to tell me that?”
“No, it was something else.” Looking back to Harper, he asked, “Do you trust Doyle?”
“Of course.”
“Did you program her well enough to recognize a joke?”
“She laughs at my jokes.” He said proudly.
“Like I said, did you program her well enough to recognize a joke?”
Beka snickered as Harper asked huffily “Are you trying to say that I’m not funny?”
“Well, the one about the Persiad, the Castillian, and the Nietzchean was pretty bad.”
Harper crossed his arms and glared at the three women grinning at him and snorted. She continued after a minute, “Anyho, Doyle, if I say, you won’t repeat in any way the joke that I’ll tell Rhade will you?”
“Of course.” Doyle answered calmly.
“So Harper, do you trust Doyle to make sure that I don’t cheat to win the bet?”
“What bet?” He asked sullenly.
“The one that we are going to make.”
“That confidant are we.” He answered sarcastically.
“Well, you’re the one who seems to think that it’s a sure thing that I can’t get Rhade to laugh.”
Brightening, he said, “Yeah, that’s true. So what do you want to bet?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to bet?”
He grinned with a sudden lavish look in his eyes. All three women rolled their eyes at Harper as Daye replied, “Besides that Harper.”
“What is he asking for this time? Anything besides sex?” Dylan asked pleasantly as he walked up behind them with Trance.
Trance gave them a smile as she greeted them.
“Daye is making a bet that she can make Rhade laugh, and we’re trying to decide what to bet. She just ruled out sex.”
With laughing eyes she teased him, “Just sex with you Harper. Maybe I’ll take Rhade up on one of his offers. It’s not like he’ll remember, and it might even put him in a better mood.”
“You’d have sex with him, but not with me?! How wrong is that?” He exclaimed aggravated.
Beka looked at her interestedly, “Why do you refuse him all the time? Most girls would kill to sleep with that.”
Daye was quiet a moment as she thought, “Because he’s trying to forget something, and he’s using alcohol and sex to do it. I on the other hand, want to be remembered,” Placing her chin on her hand, she looked at them and smiled, before saying, “That’s not to say I’m not tempted though. He comes in a very nice package.” All the girls smirked at that as Harper and Dylan rolled their eyes this time.
“Okay, I’m in. I’ve got a 1,000 canals that says you can’t.”
“Well, I don’t Beka, be reasonable.”
“Hum, well, you’ll owe me.”
“Okay, I can deal with that if you can.”
“Deal. Harper?”
“You work free for a month if I win.”
“Get real Harper.”
“Okay, okay.” Looking at Rhade schemingly, Harper continued, “You have to accept Rhade’s next offer if I win.” When everyone looked at him, he said, “It’s like she said, he’d probably be in a better mood after sex. And as a consolation, I’ll make sure that he remembers you.”
“Ha Fuckin’ Ha Harper. I’ll take that bet, but when I win, you have to wear a dress to the bar everyday for a month.” She raised her eyes to him in challenge.
For once he didn’t back down, “You’re on. But you can’t use that as a way to get him to laugh,”
Beka was rubbing her hands in glee, “Oh, this is getting good. Dylan, want in?”
Before he could open his mouth, Trance put her hands on his arm and said firmly, “Dylan doesn’t like betting.”
“Really? Are you sure about that, because he does gamble with our lives a lot.” Beka sniped.
Dylan winced and said, “Trance is right, I think I’ll sit this one out.”
“Doyle, come on. I have a bet to win.”
Smiling, Doyle followed Daye to the other end of the bar. Stopping in front of him, Daye leaned against the bar to better display her ample cleavage. Rhade stared at it in appreciation for a few moments while he finished his drink.
“You do realize that any child you have will greatly appreciate your breasts?’
Beka’s mouth dropped open, “Hey, you can’t use them!”
“There is nothing in the rules that says I can’t use my assets to get his attention. Besides, they won’t make him laugh.”
Slowly he looked up into her eyes speculatively. “What? Are you here to take me up on my offer?”
“Uhm, no. I’m here to make you laugh.”
“Breasts don’t make me laugh. They make me want to procreate.” He smirked. “Besides, why would you want to make me laugh?”
“I made a bet with Harper and your friends.”
“Oh really? And what did everyone bet?” He asked sarcastically.
“I can’t tell you that yet. One of the rules.”
“This just gets better and better.” He snapped as he turned and raised his glass to his friends with a sarcastic smile. Turning back to her, he asked, “Then why is Doyle her? Is she a part of the joke?”
“She’s here to make sure the rules are followed, and that I actually tell you a joke to get you to laugh.”
“Then tell on little girl.”
“First off, this is for you and Doyle. You can’t tell anyone else. Especially not Harper.”
“This had better be good, because I’m not really in a laughing kind of mood.” He sighed.
“Oh it is….Now ask me my name.”
“I already know it, and it’s not that funny.”
“Ask me my full name.”
“Okay, what is your full name?”
Smiling brightly, she said, “I thought that you’d never ask.” Finishing, she pulled a flexi out from under the bar, and wrote something on it. She then turned it around for Rhade and Doyle to read. At first it was just a snicker, then soon Rhade was laughing so hard that he had tears streaming from his eyes. Doyle’s eyes had widened and she’d put her hand to her mouth to try and stop a laugh. It ended up coming out as a loud snort. Soon, she was also shaking with laughter. Harper, Beka and Dylan looked down at the three with open mouths.
“Oh God!” Harper moaned with rising horror.
“I told you not to take that bet.” Trance said serenely.
Beka strode down the bar, “Okay, I’m out a 1,000 canals. I want to know what that joke was. And don’t give me ‘it’s an old joke’ crap either.”
Doyle waved her away. “Oh, it is so funny. I wish I could tell you.” She gasped between giggle fits.
“I thought it was cruel and unusual myself.” Daye said wryly.
Rhade just waved his glass around, he was laughing so hard.
Waiting for him to quiet, Daye asked seemingly innocent, “Do you want to know what Harper bet?”
Wiping the tears from his eyes, he said cheerfully, “Go ahead.”
Resting her chin on her hand, Daye looked down at the end of the bar, to Harper’s horror stricken face and said, “He promised to wear a dress to the bar everyday for a month.”
It was Rhade’s turn for his eyes to go wide, then he started roaring with laughter again. Harper put his head on the bar and started crying for a different reason.
Rommie’s voice came through on the com units, “Harper, I have a wide selection of dresses in storage. You are welcome to help yourself. Just clean them before you return them.”
Beka looked at him half in sympathy and half in anticipation of all the ragging she could heap on him. Harper just might make losing a 1,000 canals worth it.
Harper moaned out, “Et tu Rom Doll?”
Dylan looked at him in sympathy and said, “You should know by now to listen to Trance Mr. Harper.”
Harper looked at Trance accusingly. “You know what the joke is don’t you? Please tell me, and at least I can tell if it’s worth wearing a dress myself.”
“No, I can’t. I don’t know what it was. I only saw Rhade laughing at it.”
“But…but.. he doesn’t have a sense of humor! He never gets the joke!”
Rhade reached to Daye and rubbed a small mark in the curve of her neck, and called out, “Little man, if she can keep refusing my offers, then don’t you think she just might have something up her sleeve?” His eyes gave her a challenge as her eyes gave him a sharp look at his almost slip. She deliberately removed his hand from her neck as he called down to Harper, “By the way, what did Daye bet?”
Looking at him in misery, Harper replied, “She agreed to accept your next offer.”
At that Rhade froze and looked at her. “That’s not funny.”
Daye looked at him sweetly and said, “Good thing you laughed.”
“Son of a bitch!”
At his outburst and stunned expression, Daye started laughing herself. “Well Doyle did you get a good picture of that for your and Rommie’s memory banks?”
Giving a smile that resembled the cat that swallowed the cream, Doyle replied, “Yes I did, and it was as perfect as you said it would be.”
Everyone looked at them open mouthed, except for Trance who was all sparkly with laughter herself.
Beka exclaimed, “Damn we all got played by a barmaid and an android and an A.I.! How did that happen?”
Rom’s voice came over a com unit. “Daye has agreed to help fine tune our humor programs. This was a test to see what type of humor she has.”
Doyle continued as Rommie left off, “It is very different from Harper’s.”